What if when I told God about how I hated so much I wished someone dead He had said, "You are hurting, so you have the right to hate the one who hurts you. Be hateful. I love you and accept you the way you are"?
What if when I told God about how tired I was of being angry He had said, "You are hurting, so you have the right to be angry at your abusers. You never know who may hurt you again, so you have the right to be angry at everyone else, too. Be angry. I love you and accept you the way you are"?
What if when I told God how if I have to live in fear I would rather die He had said, "You are hurting, so you have a lot of reasons to be fearful. I'll let you die if that is what you want. Be afraid and die. I love you and accept you the way you are"?
What if God had left me as my hateful, angry, and fearful self? What if He had been okay with me just being me? What if He had never changed me, or what if He never changes me again? What if He had accepted me just as I was, and what if He keeps accepting me just as I am?
If He had never changed me I would still be angry, fearful, hating and hurting. And if He never changes me again I will stay the way I am. But He changed me, and He's still changing me.
Just as He has always done, when I cry out to Him He hears and answers. He tells me all there is to know about me, and then He changes me. He turns me away from my reliance on myself and draws me into reliance on Him.
The truth is I am a sinner full of hate, anger, fear, lust, deceit... I am full of myself; I am full of my ego. And it is my sinful nature that drives me to engage in sinful behavior, all of which is rooted in self-preservation.
It has never been about His acceptance of me, but it has always been about the changing power of His love for me. He loves me so much now that He is pulling me from the mire of my shameful sinful self and changing me into His image. He loved me so much then that He gave everything so I can be free from me.