What If I’d Never ~ Kerri S Wilson

What if I’d never reached my limit?

What if I’d never become self-aware?

What if I’d never asked the questions?

What if I’d never listened?

What if I’d never taken personal responsibility?

What if I’d never learned?

What if I’d never tried?

But change requires all of it from me.

Change won’t happen unless I am limited - unless I experience my limitations. I’ll keep enduring my issues as long I can keep managing them - as long as I can keep ignoring my dysfunction and exhaustion.

Change won’t happen as long as I stay un-self-aware. There is no need to change if I don’t see my need to change.

Change won’t happen if I don’t know what needs to change and if I don’t know how to change it. If I never know to ask and then ask what or how, I’ll never change.

Change will never happen if I don’t listen - if I’m not teachable - if I don’t apply instruction.

Change will never happen if I don’t take ownership of changing. I’m the only one who can allow myself to change, so I have to be self-engaged in the activity of change if I want to change. I have to be intentional about changing.

Change requires revelation - the truth. Without knowing the truth about myself, about what to do, and about how to do it change won’t stick. It‘ll be hit and miss, and I’ll flounder then end up back where I used to be - my unchanged self.

Change requires my effort - my application of truth - my engagement in the process - my buy in. If I don’t involve myself - my actions, my understanding, my behavior, my acceptance - I’ll never change.

Notice how me changing has nothing to do with anyone else...

...that is, nothing except my impact on others.

My change has nothing to do with whether or not others change.

My change has nothing to do with others having any power over me.

Change is about becoming better - better than myself - better for myself - better for my relationship with God - better for my relationship with others.

If I need to change and I don’t, I store up for myself a life of bitterness and isolation because of the destruction I leave in my wake.

Change requires humility.

What if I’d never been humble enough to change?

I would still be angry.

I would still be abusive.

I would still be bitter.

I would still be miserable.

Thankfully, I don’t have a “What if I’d never” testimony. Instead, I have an “I did” testimony.

I’m glad God extended his hand to me and pulled me out of my mire and into my miracle of change.

I could have been offended, but I was willing, so now I’m not who I used to be.

I could’ve kept believing it was everyone else’s responsibility to change, but I realized it was actually my responsibility.

Now I’m free - free from my past self and more free to keep changing.

God is good.